Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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