he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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