no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
