It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
