You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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