Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize