Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize