They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
