like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
