Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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