More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
