Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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