The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I could fuck to npr.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
