better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
don't judge my taste in strippers
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize