Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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