now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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