I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
