this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
