Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize