what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
