i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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