Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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