Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
