my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
