What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
