I looked at my own cervix.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
