I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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