why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize