Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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