So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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