I wish my penis had an off switch
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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