If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
