If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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