We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
