billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It was confusing and full of hummus
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
