so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
