oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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