i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I deserve this hangover.
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