I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
