I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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