If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
