Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
