Will you blow on my dice?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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