But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
