I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
