I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
