Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
