I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
