Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
