you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Be still, my beating vagina.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
