He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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