Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
