I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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