what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What drink are we having for lunch?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
