Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
