My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
