I showed him my bush... on skype.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
