I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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