now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize