i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
