The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Randomize
