just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize